*Heads up: I talk fairly frankly about anxiety and a death in the family. I promise this is a very hopeful/happy post but you have to fight your way through some clouds to see the sun sometimes.
Anxiety is a tricky thing.
It makes it so, for people like me, it’s very hard to talk to strangers without feeling like you’re making a complete ass out of yourself when really you’re being perfectly charming and wonderful, if maybe a bit weird. This is what I need you to keep in mind as I tell you about my day yesterday.
It all started with a series of dreams that I do not remember but had me wake up with a knot in my chest and a general sense of unease. Since my grandfather passed away a week ago I have had a couple mild episodes, so it didn’t feel all that odd but also very much did, if that makes sense.
I start my day every morning by hopping on twitter to see a mix of the latest news and what’s new with my favorite online entities. I haven’t been online for several days being too busy with family and such, but something had me jump on yesterday. This is how I found Victoria Schwab promoting an event she was participating in at my local bookstore. I immediately looked up their events calendar, and after reading a description of the book that Sarah Gailey was launching (and doing a conversation with one of my favorite authors) I knew I had to check this out. I am so very glad that I did. Normally going to events by myself makes me extra anxious (I’m an awkward human at the best of times), but everyone was super friendly. I met a fellow critter and got complemented on my D&D Pride shirt by 3 or 4 people. I walked away feeling rather proud of myself as I talked to both Sarah and Victoria (and they both seem like lovely humans).
HOWEVER
I also feel like while I had a perfectly lovely chat with Victoria, I also had a million more things I wanted to say but didn’t want to be the weirdo coming on too strong at an event that wasn’t even for them in the first place. So, in the interest of getting my brain to chill out and stop screaming “missed opportunities,” here’s a little story about my discovery of Victoria Schwab and her series “A Darker Shade of Magic” (ADSoM).
I at this point can’t remember how I found ADSoM, but it was definitely recommended to me online somehow. Either a “if you like this, you’ll also like” type thing or someone I follow on Twitter mentioned it. Whatever the story, I had been reading a lot of nonfiction, some about the long ago past and others about our current President, and thought it sounded like a nice change of pace. I reserved the first book in the series from my local library, and by the end of the novel I had ordered the box set on Barnes & Noble’s website. I had not immediately fallen in love with a fictional world this quickly since 11-year-old me had first discovered Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. I devoured this series, and it wasn’t until I started thinking about why that I realized the nonfictional world I had been residing in had probably starved out the imaginative and hopeful parts of my brain. We live in scary times, my friends, and sometimes we forget how nice it is to escape for even a few brief hours.
I had certainly forgotten.
ADSoM was like medicine for my weary soul. It was like treating my brain to dark chocolate after a bad brain day. (True facts, dark chocolate is a good mood booster if you’re having a mildly depressive episode. Try it sometime.) ((Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, but some problems not even chocolate can solve. If this feels true for you, maybe try therapy.))
*ahem* back to my point. Schwab’s books mean the world to me. Not only did they get me through some troubling times, but they also introduced me to a new human who I follow on Twitter and see parts of myself in frequently. We seem to have some of the same triggers and fears and quirks. It makes me feel so much more *normal* to know I’m not the only weirdo who likes wearing cat ears but also finds speaking in front of crowds exhausting. I wish I could’ve found a way to say all that, but it was also nice to just say “thanks for helping me be here today” and leaving it at that. Which, listening to Sarah speak made me feel like I maybe found another author to love and respect and who knows what else. I’ll just have to read the book and see what comes of it.
*Sarah Gailey’s book “Magic For Liars” came out today. They read the first chapter at the event and it sounds like an interesting read. Pick your copy up today at your Friendly Local Bookstore, and maybe I’ll write a review here 6 months from now when I finally have time to read it.